Inequilibrium

Have you ever felt detached from the world, that it actually makes you dizzy from just walking outside? Did you feel that confusion of wondering why you were born into this universe, because you could've belonged to another?

Gah, seriously, sometimes I do feel that. And that's been happening for quite a while now. When I walk around in some quiet place, even though it's empty, it feels streaming with many people. Makes one feel wistful....


Ok, loads of nonsense being talked around. Erase this from your mind!

A new sem

So the new semester and academic year begins. Plenty to do right at the beginning of the semester. And need a check up perhaps. Breathing still gets a bit catchy at times.

So, my last semester yielded pretty ok results, an improvement from the past few down and out's, so I thought I'd pamper myself a little. And so....I got myself Kinki Kids' compilation album! Ohohoho....yeah, it was amazing...*cackles* Well worth the effort, but my wallet's dead.

Things are looking up finally, after so many years, I hope it will continue to get better from here on out. Sorry to anyone who's reading this crappy blog, for it didn't seem like I keep up my end of the promise of providing a witty and entertaining blog. >< From now on, I will try my best on the blog as well.

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu, ne.

Sickness

Sometimes, I think I might never get well again, especially on the days when it hurts so bad, or even any painless suffering. Is it possible to live like this? Everyone fears death one way or the other, and I am no different. That's probably because we're all not ready to give up this life, right? Why else would it matter?

I don't think I'll ever get over this. But there's nothing else anyone or I could do, except to keep going on.

Keep going forward, because to turn back is not an option.

Another challenge?

Alright, I'm all fired up for the new semester...not. First of all, there's many complications, which, suffice to say, is stressful. Last semester, I got sick before my first finals, and had to take MC in order to be able to take the supplementary paper and still get normal grading. But hell no, as I found out, since I did not take MC from the list of panel clinics, I can only get minimal grading of C, no matter how well I do. And DAMNIT, I worked my ass off last semester, and my results are dragged down due to this subject.

Someone please tell me this sucks. Tell me to sue the pants of the uni.

On a lighter note, I'm taking French this semester. It definitely will be interesting to learn, although pronunciation wise, French seems to be tough! But everyone says I'm a language type of person and assured me that I will be able to cope. Argh, that's so not true, but we shall see.

Oh well, the night's not getting younger, and there's class tomorrow. Time for bed~

Ending on an abrupt note,
eden rei

Observations and whining

Alrighty, I have not posted for a long time. It can't be helped, since this sem I've been quite busy and there are many changes I had to deal with.

Ok, so my current life observation based on my current mood might be pretty biased, but I feel the need to whine and complain a little. So recently, I've split myself off from one of the few social ties I have. Yeah, I don't really feel the need to work on my life socially. But those people I call friends are those that I do defend when it matters. But sometimes it gets tiring when you've been taken for granted.

Cue sigh.

It's times like this that I realize I do try to keep a friendship alive, but then it feels like I'm the only one trying. That's all fine and well, but when I get tired and stop trying it, so called 'friends' don't even bother to try instead.

Sometimes I get accused of not trying, but in truth, I feel like no one realizes what we try to do in the first place. If people can just push the blame to everyone else, then there will never be peace in this world.

Point in fact : the concept of friends and friends are overrated.

anyone can prove me wrong? Because I really wish I am wrong.

So there are kind people in this world after all

Alright, so I may have been a bit too cynical of the world. I shall have to review my opinion after the incident that happened just minutes before.

So I just left class at 9 something close to 10 to the library. Reached the library and set to chucking my stuff at the bag shelf and entered the library at a very sedate and half asleep state. Then rummaged in my pocket sleepily and to my absolute horror, I realise that....oh shit, I left my cell in class.

Now, I wouldn't know about how other people in other countries might do if they find an abandoned cell phone, but generally, humans are pretty greedy; they'd just take and run off with it. So I bloody got my ass up and flew back to the lecture hall.

Saw a bunch of my coursemates whom I don't even know the names of still there in the class. So I frantically asked them if they saw or noticed. Nope, naturally no one would, but they ended up trying to help by looking around and calling and messaging my phone for me, despite me being a total headless chicken moaning my fate right there and then. After a long time of calling and no one picking up, finally whoever who took my phone called back.

Oh boy, I don't know how relieved and grateful I am right at this moment. It feels so damn...I don't know, the world ain't so bleak after all. There's people helping me at difficult points in my life, and now there are honest people too. Seriously, what more can you ask? I just hope that whoever had helped me today, whether by holding on to my phone and returning it to me, or helping me retrieve it, would receive the same treatment if they were ever to encounter any difficulties in their lives too.

Signing off,
a very grateful and relieved Rei-chan

Another weird contemplation thing

Ok, so this is a weird talking-to-myself kinda post. So in these few days I got myself into a one sided argument. Well, one sided because I chose to keep my mouth shut. But I still ended up pretty pissed.

In point of fact, I shall give an example. Say friend A proposes a plan of sorts on a certain day. Nothing was confirmed but on the day itself, you hear from friend B that the plan is on. But since no one had confirmed with you in the first place, and something else had came up that day, you decided to turn it down with the reason that no one confirmed with you that the plan is on.

Surprises of all surprises, you got shot to death by B, saying that 'you are always like that, if no one confirmed with you then you don't ask' and 'you're always so last minute'. Won't you get pretty pissed?

As a matter of fact, I did get so damn pissed. But I clamped my mouth shut physically and stfu. Of course, inside was a different matter. My brain was exuding thoughts of 'that's utter bullshit'. And it is! Like what the fuck, pardon the language, but please use your brains for a minute here. I had already said that if it is confirmed then inform me. No one BOTHERED to do so. I had to hear it from another person instead of friend A. Why is it that I get the blame for other people's neglect on that matter? I refuse to even think that this is my fault. You want it on, inform and confirm. Otherwise, it is to be expected that the plan is OFF. Don't bloody shoot me with BS.

As it is, yes, I'm a 'last minute' person. But never to my friends. To shoot me with untruths just anger me even more than the fact that said person spoke without considering that her words are hurtful. I'm sure, if the situation was reversed, she would be pretty hurt herself.

I do try to mince my words with as much delicacy as possible, especially when it comes to my friends. Therefore, I really do expect at least some consideration as well. It really disappoints me that the same consideration and care is not reciprocated even by the slightest bit.

That was point one. Secondly, I would really like to point out that when I say no, I mean NO. Not yes. NO = negative =/= yes. I'm not a kid that you can assume that my 'no' is a 'yes'. Nuff said.

Conclusionally, in this week, I realise my pet peeves.

1) I hate it when people talk without thinking or considering.
2) I hate it when people misread my direct answer. I'm a direct person...in most ways.

That said, don't take any of this seriously. This is totally up for discussion, and no insult is meant.